


If one could live out of sheer will of another, you would

by MapleBreeze



Category: TOLKIEN J. R. R. - Works & Related Fandoms, The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Battle of Five Armies, Canonical Character Death, Denial of Feelings, Love Confessions, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Sad, it doesn't have to happen if you don't want it to
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-30
Updated: 2020-07-30
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:41:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25607542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MapleBreeze/pseuds/MapleBreeze
Summary: Finding Thorin on the brink of death, Bilbo's worst fears are realized. As he says his last goodbye, he finally has the courage to say something he never would before.
Relationships: Bilbo Baggins & Thorin Oakenshield, Bilbo Baggins/Thorin Oakenshield
Comments: 6
Kudos: 37





	If one could live out of sheer will of another, you would

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic for the Hobbit fandom and I ended up writing angst, oops. (But I'll have happier things out soon)
> 
> Anyways for now, enjoy the pain!

The battle was horrible. Bilbo had never felt so awful in all his life. He made his way across the battlefield in a daze. Violent screams filled the air, accompanying the growing red against the ice. He thought back to leaving the Shire. How had the simple adventure turned into this? _Yes_ , he’d known it would be dangerous, but not like this. _Not a war_. He continued across the battlefield. Bodies of humans, elves, and dwarves littered the ground.

Every time he passed another body, he fought to keep his eyes away, praying it was not a face he could recognize. Till finally, there was one, on Ravenhill.

Bilbo ran to Thorin, snow and ice crunching under his feet as the cold wind whipped around the mountain. He knelt at the side of the dwarven king, Sting falling out of his hand and clattering onto the ice. Bilbo’s hands latched onto his king’s furs.

Thorin’s eyes shone with tears, “I’m glad you’re here.” He said, a smile strained with pain, yet bright at the sight of the hobbit. At the beginning of all this, Thorin would’ve never guessed the small man beside him would come to mean so much. He cared more about him than he would ever dare say, even now, dying.

“I wish to part from you in friendship.” There was no point in sharing his true feelings now, however desperate he felt. He wouldn’t dare risk tainting the hobbit’s memory of him. But little did he know, he was not alone in such feelings. He felt Bilbo press against him, as his smaller hands frantically covered his wound as if his touch alone could heal him.

“No, you are not going anywhere,” Bilbo replied, unwilling to imagine it. “Thorin, you’re going to live.” But Thorin could still see there was little hope in his eyes.

He felt himself fading and drew a shaky breath before he spoke again. Thorin talked of Bilbo’s home and the acorn he had. It was too painful now to focus on any of the mess he’d gotten himself into. Here he was, ruling Erebor like he had always dreamed and longed for, yet when he finally got the chance, he did little right. It had hurt so much to finally see the sadness in his fellow dwarves faces when he snapped out of his madness.

Now, on the verge of death, he wished Bilbo a better future for his home in the Shire, unruined, unlike Erebor was now for him. He remembered the green hills and warm hearth of the Shire and Bag End he’d traveled to so many months ago. He imagined returning there someday with Bilbo at his side. What his mind conjured was so impossible and unfitting for a king, yet he found himself smiling at the thought. Waking up beside his hobbit or sitting in an armchair in his parlor with a cup of tea. They would relax in the evening, sun falling below the horizon as Bilbo smoked his pipe with no dangerous adventures to be had. Maybe in another life, that’s how he would’ve lived.

Bilbo’s heart shattered at the dwarf’s words. He couldn’t believe he could lose the man he loved in such a way. It seemed cruel that it happened now, at the end of their journey where Erebor was finally theirs and the madness that had possessed Thorin was gone. It was unfair that after all they had been through; their time would come to an end, and in such an awful way.

“Thorin, don’t you dare.” Bilbo said, this time more firmly, desperation echoing in his voice. He looked into his friend’s eyes for what he hoped would not be the last time.

“Thorin please, I can’t live without you,” he cried, gripping tighter to Thorin’s body, as if he alone could hold him from death. But such results did not look promising. Thorin’s bloody face grew ever paler as he heaved another breath. The dwarf’s eyes closed as Bilbo pressed his forehead to his, smaller hands cradling his face. Their breath mingled together in the cold air. Bilbo wished that they could stay like this forever.

Bilbo pulled away, slowly releasing the dwarf’s face. He looked down at him again, eyes filling with tears.

“Thorin,” Bilbo sobbed, tears slipping down his cheeks. He took a deep breath. “During this journey, you have been more than a friend to me.” He continued, unwavering in his focus on the dwarf in front of him. “I’d hoped to have time to say this when it was all over, but it seems now may be my last chance.” He wiped his eyes again, taking a shaky breath.

“Thorin, I love you.” Another tear fell from his face, landing on the suddenly happy dwarf below. He exchanged a smile with his hobbit one last time. It lit up his pale face brighter than the snow surrounding him.

But Thorin couldn’t muster the air to return those words.

**Author's Note:**

> Don't worry. If you want, this is the real ending sentence:  
> "Yet somehow, as if one could live out of sheer will of another, Thorin did."
> 
> This is going to be part of a larger (and happier) story that I'm working on. The beginning ended up being like this and I realized it could work well on its own. I hope you enjoyed and that you'll stick around for the much more pleasant ending and future for these two. :)


End file.
